I'm pretty sure that I'm not alone after the past 18 months in needing a little breathing room. As a mother, partner, and small business owner my roles and relationships to all of these responsibilities and relationships have shifted significantly during the pandemic.
Largely this has meant that very little of my time is left over for me.
Now, I absolutely take responsibility for the choices I've made. Whether that's schooling my kids at home, restructuring my working hours, or eliminating my ow self care - these were all choices that I made or made in conjunction with my partner.
There was much about the early months of the pandemic that actually felt really good. The slowed pace of life, the closeness of my family, time for creativity to name a few. As the months rolled along and life began to shift more toward it's previous pace, I began to feel more and more friction in my body and mind with each passing day.
The lack of space for myself really came to a peak in the late spring when I had just finished monitoring the day's schooling. I felt a deep conflict in my heart, wanting to engage with my children in FUN. To connect and be close. to NOT stand in as a teacher. And I also desperately needed to be away from them and have time and space for myself and what I needed to do for myself and my business. Let alone my wants of having time to be with my husband, connect with friends, be creative, etc.
Now, here I am as we approach the end of summer and I have 4 days of no kids OR husband at hand. And it feels extremely UNCOMFORTABLE to have this space for ME!
I've gotten so used to the discomfort of the constrained feeling I've been experiencing for a while now, so when the restraint is removed, I'm not sure what to do. Isn't it ironic?
To help myself re-center, it's been super helpful to write out somethings I'd like to do with this time. Connect with friends. Move my body. Rest. Move through some projects for my business.
I also am aware that I tend to be a doer (often OVERdoing!) so I'm scheduling some time to BE. Allowing some room for spontaneous naps or whatever comes up. Most of all, to listen to myself and get back in touch with what my spirit and my body want and need.
What happens for you when you get what you want? Are you able to easily accept what you seek? Do you need time to let it integrate and settle in? Do you reject or sabotage? (I used to do this one, OFTEN!)
