It's been a blessing over the past couple of years to connect meaningfully with people who are willing to have open conversations about uncomfortable subjects. To be willing to dive into murky waters and trust that on the other side we can still look each other in the eye. It's in the presence of that willingness to be vulnerable and authentic that we can forge deep bonds and find unwavering loyalty, love, and acceptance.
Recently, in exploring the next steps for Nature's Wisdom and how to approach that journey, it was inside of one of these exchanges that something that felt really BIG came to consciousness: that it is often significant discomfort which catalyzes us to take action toward change.
This has certainly been my personal experience. When this realization popped up, it was a time just a couple of years ago, when I was about halfway through my first session with The Vitalist School of Psychospiritual Transformation that came to mind. Let me begin by admitting that enrolling in the program was something that I did with the intention of enhancing my business, not necessarily for personal growth. In the process though, what we explored and experienced spurred me through profound healing.
It was during a practice in which we were asked to embody a range of feelings and emotions, that my entire being dropped into a state of shock and an intense fight, flight, or freeze reaction. Surrounded by 17 beautiful, supportive souls, here I was in a state of shock; heart racing, hands clammy, mind ringing alarms and struggling against my body's freeze state so that I could hopefully bolt out the door and get somewhere that felt safe - anywhere but where I was.
For being asked to allow myself to FEEL SOMETHING - my entire being went into high alert. It was within this deeply disturbing experience that I finally had clarity around how I had managed to survive chaos through compartmentalization and disabling my ability to feel pretty much any emotion. Most especially, joy.
Having spent much of my childhood neglected, sad, scared, and isolated, those things became what I was used to. But I could mitigate some of the pain of neglect through becoming hypervigilant to keep myself safe-ish. Happiness and connection (love) with another person became the scariest things to feel because they were largely foreign and didn't seem to last or be real, at least in my limited experience.
It was after this frightening incident that I, for the first time, reached out and asked for help. This alone, to ask for assistance, was a huge breakthrough for me. Only through supreme discomfort, after nearly 40 years of living, was I able to begin to move through and integrate trauma that was decades old, yet still was having an unfortunate impact on my daily life and most treasured relationships. In making the decision to MOVE instead of staying stuck in the mud of my traumas, I've found freedom. Freedom to live in a way that feels authentic, allowing for both the highs and lows of the human experience and how to navigate them, and to show up in the world in a way that feels honest to who I truly am.
In feeling discomfort, we can find the motivation for change. Are you ready for your own growth? I'm here to help when you are.
With love,
Erica
