A few years ago, my very wise friend, fellow seeker, & naturopath, Kara McNabb, gifted me with a piece of insight during a group conversation. Her offering was both impactful and something I, or anyone, could immediately apply to our own life.
One of our group members was sharing a personal experience, which concluded with the statement, “and I really felt hurt, you know?” After the group listened to the story and offered feedback, Kara gently asked the speaker what it would feel like to rephrase that statement to something like, “I know that it really hurt me.”
In her pointing this out, I could immediately feel the weight of having made the same statement myself, you know?
With nothing more than a simple change of words, there was so much strength in that minor realignment. To self-reference and claim our own experience, feeling, and emotion - as opposed to seeking or needing our perception to be affirmed by someone else.
This is not to say that the deep connection and sense of belonging that comes with knowing we are not alone in our experience isn’t valid and valuable! Attachment to and connection with other humans is essential to thrive, but that does not need to come at the sake of our own authenticity.
Why not try a simple experiment yourself over the next few days. When you find yourself saying, “you know?” - restate your words by affirming your experience. Use “I know” or simply end your statement without the question of confirmation that comes with “you know?”
What would it feel like to speak your truth and experience authentically? Would it feel different? How could owning your statement create more ease in communication with others and maybe more importantly, within yourself?